


Destiny is Bullshit (Or is It?)

by OhNoMyBreadsticks



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop & Tattoo Parlor, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Discussions of death, Falling In Love, Fate & Destiny, Flirting, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Mentioned Eskel (The Witcher), Morbid, Tattoos, no actual death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:07:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27282415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhNoMyBreadsticks/pseuds/OhNoMyBreadsticks
Summary: It's a boring day in the tattoo parlor when Destiny delivers a very important person to Lambert's doorstep. Too bad he doesn't believe in that bullshit.
Relationships: Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52
Collections: Quiet Life Bingo Fills





	Destiny is Bullshit (Or is It?)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jaskiersvalley (connorssock)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/connorssock/gifts).



> I saved a very fun AU for my last bingo square - 'Tattoo parlor/flower shop'! I love writing for AU tropes, and I've never actually written one of these before :D I also am just absolutely taken by this pairing, love these two disaster boys lol
> 
> This one's specially made for the lovely Socks, who had the incredible idea of Aiden's DNR tattoo - I just took the idea and ran with it!!

It was a slow day when small, cheerful, and handsome walked into Lambert’s life. Well, more like he walked into Eskel’s tattoo parlor, but since Lambert spent most of his time there it wasn’t too far removed from being his life. He immediately perked up at the sight of a customer, something to distract him from the incredible monotony of a day without any appointments. Sure, he could be working on his commissions or his portfolio but like, fuck that. He didn’t want to.

Maybe Eskel was right, and he  _ was _ a terrible employee. Whatever, he hadn’t fired him yet, so he clearly was just blinded by Lambert’s charm and lovable attitude. Which was exactly what was about to happen to this new customer. He swaggered over to the counter and leaned on it, grinning.

“What can I get for you today?” Lambert asked, eyeing the stranger and taking in the existing ink already littering his wrists and trailing up his arms. Not bad, but not nearly as good as the work Lambert would be able to give him. Because as well as being a charming bastard, he was also a terribly talented tattoo artist. The best at what he did. Eskel was better than him at other stuff, but you just couldn’t compare apples to oranges in this case. Especially not when it would make Lambert look bad.

The customer didn’t dally around, and didn’t eye any of the portfolios or example artwork hung on the wall. He looked Lambert dead in the eye and said “I want ‘DNR’ tattooed across my chest in black block lettering. Think you can do that for me?” He was smiling, but the way he blurted out the request spoke to a day spent walking from parlor to parlor that had backed out halfway through the consultation.

And hell, it was a weird request. Most of the time if people came in for utilitarian tattoos it was helpful medical shit like blood types or allergies or contact information. Not a great big “Do Not Resuscitate” order across your chest. Lambert’s eyebrows shot up and he huffed out a contemplative breath. The man in front of him didn’t budge, just crossed his arms and continued to make really aggressive eye contact. 

Had the day not been so boring, or the customer so intriguing, maybe Lambert would have said no. As it was, he simply shrugged and said “Fine. You know it could hurt, depending on your chest, right? And depending on the size we’ll need to do multiple sessions?” 

The customer nodded, insisting “This isn’t my first tattoo, obviously. And I want to do it in one session.” 

Okay, so he might have gotten tattoos before, but he was either a dumbass or delusional. They were for  _ sure _ going to need two sessions for this. Lambert absolutely wasn’t going to have this guy pass out on his chair, but they could argue about the second session once they were a few hours in and also in more pain - thus willing to listen to reason. Pulling out the required forms, Lambert slid them across the counter to the customer.

“Alright, we can start right away as soon as you get the legal mumbo-jumbo out of the way. Luckily for you I am appointment-free today” He said, sticking out a hand and adding “But first, introductions. The name’s Lambert, I’ll be your artist for the day.”

Chuckling, the customer shook his hand, replying “Well I’m glad you’re not going to call someone else to handle me if you don’t have any other appointments. Way to tank a guy’s self-confidence. I’m Aiden.” 

Lambert shot Aiden a grin and released his hand. “Don’t worry, no judgement here. I’m about to spend like three or four hours staring at your chest, so we gotta establish a no weirdness zone right away.” 

Aiden simply laughed and tugged at the hem of his shirt, teasing right back “No weirdness? When should I get shirtless then? Right away?” 

Damn, this guy was fun. Lambert liked him already. Once all the paperwork was done and Lambert’s chair was set up, Aiden finally got the chance to strip. He wasn’t a toned adonis but fuck it, Lambert had never been into that sort of hokey perfection. Aiden was damn good looking, built well, and obviously took care of himself. His torso and abdomen were free of tattoos, but as Lambert applied the guide he glanced down and noticed a fresh looking scar on Aiden’s side. Huh.

“What possessed you to want DNR tattooed across your chest anyways?” Lambert asked, curiosity piqued again. Aiden was admiring the look of the guide and nodded to confirm the placement before lying back, and he seemed to consider his answer before speaking.

“I just don’t want to cheat death, you know? If it’s my time to go out, I wanna go. You can’t outrun Destiny” He finally said with a little shrug. The use of the word ‘Destiny’ had Lambert frowning, his own pet peeve making him want to roll his eyes and say something potentially offensive to a paying client.

“Destiny is bullshit.”

Ah well, he’d never been good at keeping his mouth shut.

Luckily for Lambert, Aiden didn’t seem offended. Instead he just snorted and looked up at him with that challenging eye contact again. “Oh yeah? You sound pretty sure about that.” He said, clearly interested in the argument. Lambert wasn’t so sure  _ he _ was any more, but he had dug himself this hole, now he had to sleep in it or whatever.

“Yeah, I pretty much am. If Destiny’s all that powerful, I should be dead in some alley, or shooting a gun in some foreign country that doesn’t want me there.” Lambert grumbled, picking up his needle and getting the ink loaded up, “And instead, here we are. With me about to stab you with a needle for three hours because you asked me too.”

Aiden went silent, but he was watching Lambert carefully. Like he knew there were questions he could ask, but he chose not to. Just like Lambert didn’t ask about the scar. Or why he might be in a position where dying would be like, a casual thing that could happen. Not that Lambert couldn’t just walk out to cross the street and get hit by a car, but that didn’t count. The random nature of the universe wasn’t strong enough to warrant getting DNR tattooed on your chest, it just wasn’t. But Lambert, for once in his goddamn life, bit his tongue and kept quiet.

The next few hours passed quietly. Lambert worked slowly and steadily on the outline of the letters, and Aiden laid there like a model citizen and was very patient and still. The rise and fall of his chest was so even and steady that Lambert barely noticed it after the first half hour. It was only when he took a break to assess how much longer they should go and shake out the stiffness in his hand that he finally spoke properly again.

“So why all the flower tattoos? Doesn’t quite fit with the piece I’m doing for you” Lambert asked with a chuckle, gesturing at the various flowers wrapping around Aiden’s forearms and up his biceps. 

“Oh these? I’m a florist, but before I could afford my own shop all I could get were these inked versions” Aiden said casually, like it wasn’t the weirdest possible thing he could have said. Lambert bit down on a snort, and didn’t quite manage.

“Seriously?? You’re a  _ florist? _ ” Lambert asked, the bafflement obvious in his voice and painted all over his face. That didn’t match up at all with the DNR and the stab wound and just the...confidence of this man. Maybe Lambert just didn’t know any florists? Were they all secretly badasses? 

Aiden just grinned up at him and flipped him a very congenial middle finger. “Don’t believe me? I’ll prove it to you next time.” He said.

“Oh, so now there’s going to be a next time? I thought you were going to do this all in one sitting, Mr. Tough Guy” Lambert shot back, absolutely delighted at the tone this conversation had taken.

His answer was a shrug and a “Maybe I want to come back to the no weirdness zone again.” And that smile Aiden had on his face was one that Lambert very much wanted to see again. 

* * *

When Aiden showed up to his next appointment with a full bouquet of yellow flowers to match the weird color of Lambert’s eyes, well. Maybe Lambert could get a tiny bit on board with the concept of Destiny. But only when it was delivering some truly fantastic boyfriend material.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Any and all comments are loved and cherished <3
> 
> I’m available on [tumblr](https://ohnomybreadsticks.tumblr.com/) if you ever feel like chatting or reading some of my lil drabbles, I’d love to see you there <3


End file.
